From Selena: Does Grief Need A Cure? Reflections On Grief As A Summer Intern

When I first began my summer internship at Grieve Leave, grief was a topic I had mostly stayed away from. Partly because I had very little knowledge or experience with it, partly because I didn’t like thinking about the possibility of it, but mainly because I thought it was a one-off thing that people just got over. Now, having delved into grief in such a hands-on way—writing blog articles, doing research, and connecting with so many members of the Grieve Leave community—my view on grief has changed. I want to share what I’ve learned and add a little bit of my perspective as an outsider looking into the grief community:

1. Grief is Nonlinear

I think this was the first thing about grief that I realized was already drilled into me, socially, before I started my internship. The five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are often used as a roadmap to understand grief, but they don’t represent how diverse and unpredictable the grieving process really is. There’s no clear finish line. Grief doesn’t end at acceptance, and it can show up even if it’s been five days or five years since the loss.

In my time at Grieve Leave, I listened to people’s grief stories; stories about the emotional volatility of grief, of being fine one day but overwhelmed the next…and I realized how unfair it is to expect someone to “move on” after a set period. Everyone’s journey with grief is unique. It ebbs and flows, sometimes intensifying out of nowhere, and that doesn’t mean something is wrong. It’s simply part of the experience.

2. Grief Doesn’t Necessarily Need a Cure…But It Takes Its Toll

At first, I thought of grief as something to get over—like an illness. But as I learned more about grief, I began to understand that it isn’t a bad thing that needs to be cured. It’s a part of life that everyone experiences at some point. Grief is a reflection of love, attachment, and the significance of what we’ve lost.

While grief is natural, it can sometimes take a toll on a person’s mental and physical health. Prolonged, intense grief can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, depression, or physical exhaustion. And the idea of curing grief has come up more often with the recent introduction of Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) into the DSM-5. This diagnosis focuses on people who experience an extended period of intense grief, usually lasting more than a year, that impairs their ability to function in daily life. Some argue that PGD provides a framework to help those truly struggling, but others are concerned that it risks medicalizing a deeply personal and natural experience. 

While I can see how prolonged, unrelenting grief can become a heavy burden, I’ve learned that grief itself isn’t something we should try to eliminate. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to grief. Some people may benefit from therapy or grief coaching, while others find solace in community support, creative outlets, or just being given the space to grieve on their own terms.

Rather than focusing on “curing” grief, it’s about offering support and understanding, helping people navigate their loss in a way that works for them.

3. But one thing I’ve learned is that Grief is Ever-Changing, and It’s Ok That We Haven’t Figured It All Out

If there’s one thing I’ve taken away from my time at Grieve Leave, it’s that we never fully figure out grief. It’s an ever-changing experience, shaped by culture, personal circumstances, and time. The people I’ve connected with and the stories I’ve heard have shown me that grief isn’t something that needs to be understood in a clinical sense, but rather in a human one.

As someone who started this internship with very little knowledge of grief, I’ve come to appreciate that it’s not a process to be rushed or fixed. It’s an ongoing part of life that deserves empathy, patience, and support. And maybe, most importantly, it’s something we can learn to live with—not get over.