Your Bestie Or Your Worstie? Rebecca Feinglos Talks Toxic Friendships With Betches

We've all had that moment: you're hanging out with a friend, and suddenly you realize that instead of feeling energized and happy, you're drained and anxious. Maybe it's the backhanded compliments, the constant competition, or the feeling that you're always the one giving while they take. Whatever it is, you've got that sinking feeling that this friendship might be turning toxic... or are they grieving? 

But what do you do with that realization? How can you tell if it's just a rough patch or a sign of something deeper? And what's the best way to create distance without burning bridges?

To answer these questions, Betches turned to Rebecca Feinglos. Rebecca shared her insights on everything from spotting the warning signs of a toxic friendship to gracefully exiting a dynamic that's no longer serving you.

So if you've ever struggled with a friendship that feels more draining than fulfilling, grab a comfy seat and keep reading - because Rebecca's insights might just be what you need to hear right now.

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Your Bestie Or Your Worstie? Here's Why The 'White Lotus' Girl Gang Might Be Triggering You

By Syeda Khaula Saad 

The White Lotus is back for season three, and while the stunning backdrops (hello, Thailand!) are still delivering, it’s the twisted relationships and friendships that are truly stealing the show. This season, we get a front-row seat to the reunion of Kate, Jaclyn, and Laurie — three old gal pals whose relationships are as Botoxed and brittle as their perfectly contoured faces. Watching them smile through gritted teeth, trade passive-aggressive compliments, and gossip the second someone leaves the room is honestly more terrifying than any dead body washed up on the shore.

But the drama isn’t just juicy TV — it’s a masterclass in spotting toxic friendships. If you’re watching these frenemies tear each other apart (all while claiming they “love each other to death”) and thinking, “Wait, this feels familiar,” you’re not alone. Whether it’s the backhanded comments or the underlying competition, sometimes the people we’ve known the longest can be the ones doing the most damage.

So, how do you know if your bestie is actually your worst enemy? 

How Do I Know If I’m In A Toxic Friendship?

Not every eye roll or shady comment means you nkkeed to Marie Kondo your friend group, but if you consistently feel drained, anxious, or straight-up dread seeing someone, it’s time to take a closer look. “When we’re looking for red flags in a friendship that might have turned toxic, it’s really about watching for patterns over time, not just one-off situations,” certified grief specialist Rebecca Feinglos tells Betches.

The biggest clue? Your gut reaction. If their name popping up on your phone makes your stomach drop, or you find yourself making excuses to avoid them, that’s a sign the relationship might not be as healthy as you’d like to believe. “This isn’t about a friend having a bad day or going through something tough — it’s about an ongoing dynamic that just doesn’t feel right,” Rebecca says.

Before you burn their birthday gift and block them on everything, Rebecca suggests one key step: have a real conversation.

“The key to distinguishing between a temporary rough patch and a truly unhealthy friendship lies in one simple but powerful action — having a real conversation,” she says. And no, a vague text with passive-aggressive emojis doesn’t count. Sitting down face-to-face gives both of you the chance to clear up misunderstandings and get a better sense of whether there’s room to fix things or if it’s time to cut your losses.

She also emphasizes the importance of giving your friends the same grace you’d want in return. “If someone’s behavior feels completely out of character, there’s usually something deeper going on,” she says. That friend who suddenly seems competitive about your career? Maybe they’re grieving a missed promotion. The one acting distant? They could be dealing with personal issues they haven’t shared.

Does that mean you should excuse toxic behavior? Absolutely not. But before writing someone off, ask yourself: Is this a one-time thing, or has it been happening for months? Have I told them how I feel, or am I just assuming they don’t care? These questions can help you decide whether this friendship is salvageable or officially on its last leg.

How Do I Get Out Of A Toxic Friendship?

So, you’ve come to terms with the fact that your so-called bestie is actually a walking red flag. Now what? The idea of ending a friendship, especially a long-term one, can feel just as gut-wrenching as a breakup.

“When people ask why someone would stay in a toxic friendship, they often don’t understand just how complex ending a meaningful friendship can be,” Rebecca says.

It’s not just about cutting ties — it’s about grieving what the friendship used to be and figuring out how to navigate mutual friends, shared memories, and the weird emotional void they leave behind.

“Sometimes staying in an unhealthy dynamic feels easier than facing the potential ripple effects of leaving,” she says. And honestly? That’s real. The thought of suddenly not having them in your life can make even a bad friendship feel safer than the uncertainty of moving on.

If you’re ready to create distance, remember that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. “Taking space doesn’t have to mean forever — this is really important to understand,” Rebecca says. Instead of ghosting them or launching into a dramatic speech about how they’ve ruined your life, she suggests starting with a direct but compassionate conversation.

“Name the specific behavior that’s bothering you,” she advises. Try something like, ‘When you dismissed my feelings about [specific situation], it really hurt me.’ If, after that conversation, you still feel like you need space, you can say something like, ‘For now, let’s spend time apart. I hope that can change in the future because I value our friendship, but right now, this dynamic isn’t what I want.'”

This approach does two things: it acknowledges that your friendship was important while making it clear that your needs matter too. And let’s be real — cutting ties doesn’t have to be messy. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is step back, reflect, and see if there’s room for a healthier relationship down the road.

At the end of the day, friendships — like The White Lotus — are full of unexpected twists. Some are worth fighting for, and others? Well, let’s just say some characters don’t make it to the next season.